i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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