we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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