omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
