We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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