I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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