My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
