So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize