Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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