did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
