I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
