I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
