he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
