he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize