So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
