saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
