i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
