Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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