I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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