i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
