If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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