It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
