Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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