thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
