So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
