Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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