They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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