i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
