just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
