I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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