Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
