Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
