the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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