3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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