Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize