What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
