this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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