She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
