A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
