i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
