YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
