I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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