i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
