we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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