dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
