I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
