I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
