If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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