Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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