Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
