So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
