oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I supernannyed him into submission
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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