Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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