What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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