Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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