I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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