are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
