Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
