hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
