Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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