If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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