I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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