Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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