why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
