Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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