I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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