Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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