best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
