you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dear god my vagina.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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