Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
