don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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