After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
