Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize