I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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