he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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