Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize