He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
